This is the end...

   Or at least it feels like it.       Wait.   I take that back.   Just as I typed that, it suddenly did NOT feel like the end anymore.   I think I was just experiencing some sort of blood sugar spike or deficit, maybe something to do with that Ritter Gold Edition bar I just polished off.   I'm coming back.   My vision has distilled to one clear image again and the palpitations have stopped.    Does this mean I have to go back out in the shop and tinker again with these machines?  Please God, NO.

  So, the dating world at 40!    What a bitter harvest it is.    I suppose I can not rightly lay claim to any firsthand knowledge of this business, I have not actually gone on a date since I turned 40.   I've had my head tucked in.   I haven't even given it any real thought until just now.    Today has been a time of rediscovery.   Learning.    There was a little panic about fifteen minutes ago, but that has passed.   Isn't it the first or the end of the month?   I think I have things to be panicked about.    Surely I do.   What was I just saying about dating, though?    Bitter Harvest?   NOOOOO....  It is 2011!   This is the happy time!  I am not dying!   It is time to wrestle the truth out of some people though.

   For example, do you ever sit there while I am talking and watch me, or think about me when you are away and wonder for just a moment :   Is THIS it?   In a good way?   This could be the thing, the time and place you have been waiting for?  I am that guy?    Your Guy?    Like, 'Hello FUTURE!'?   Like, 'Let's go buy a house together and breed!' ?   Like,  'This isn't so bad!' - ?   Do you?  Like, 'I can do this.  I've done worse!'  ? 

   I think things like that sometimes, but I am especially impulsive and romantic and sensitive and unrealistic and optimistic.   I think I can do anything.    I think I can fix anything.    I feel like most problems are just a matter of perspective and minor adjustments.  I feel that with a tiny bit of skewing,  'dialing in',  we would be on the exact same frequency and thus able to understand each other.   I think anything is possible.  

   I am trading days in for something else.     Cells are dying, DNA strands breaking - BOTH helixes - and this is not good in the long run.   Or, the lung Ron.   Enron.   Bon-Bon. 

   Today is my Tuesday.   Sundays are my Tuesdays.    ... Don't you HATE IT when people say things like that?   Like, "Today is my Friday", and they are saying it on a day that is NOT Friday?   What does that mean?   Am I too critical?    Mean-spirited?  Just Jealous?      I don't think so.   Charlie Don't Surf.

   My only friend, the end.