Mad As A Hornet

  AS far as I am concerned, she took everything away from me, and it does not matter that I did not actually possess any of these things already, they were as good as mine anyway.    The house that felt like a home, warm meals, the kids,  a garden,  a comforting sense of fitting in somewhere and feeling needed... She saw it was within my grasp and she snatched the rug out from under me.    She couldn't stand for me to be happy.  Maybe she was afraid of being happy too?   I don't know, and I don't care one whit any longer what she is or is not afraid of.   She took my life!    My future!   It had a gleam and shine and it was as promising as the word 'tomorrow', and she  flushed it down the toilet.    She destroyed tomorrow for me, forever.

    I am living now within a 'tomorrow', yes, but a different tomorrow.   In this tomorrow I don't get to come home and take off my shoes and pick up my little junior whoosits and tickle it and make it laugh or toss it up into the air again and again as it squeals.    There WILL be squealing in this tomorrow though,  don't you worry about THAT.    There's going to be squealing all right.    And nylon restraints.   And a video camera.   That's what kind of tomorrow I'm talking about right now.   I am going to rise up high and stretch myself out tall so I can fall that much further when the time comes to gett'er done.   This is an inertial thing now, and I am in motion, SO CLEAR A PATH!  Part of me has been neutralized, and this has narrowed my focus all the more.  One less thing to distract me before I pull out my riding crop and give these subjects as well as this life a good hard series of whacks on the ass.  Satisfying contact. The good wood.  I am picking up the reigns.  I am standing tall.   I have goals.   The glass will rattle in the windowpanes when I am near!

    Things happen fast around here when minds are made up.   I've done it before.   The odd-numbered years, remember?  This one has started with as much determination and action as I have ever seen.   I pull my head in to gather energy, like when you pull in close to the center of a merry-go-round to make it spin faster, before sliding out to the edge to leap off or hurl some object forth?  Well, regardless of your knowledge about the laws of physics, know this:   When I get quiet, things are about to start happening.  I have to get quiet to collect my thoughts and energies.  I have to focus.    When I tear out of this thing in my new suit and draw down on my target,  I will have momentum, people!  It will be hard to stop me.    That is, until the liquor kicks in eventually.   Or the law.    There will be contingency plans this time though, even if I go, my business will be completed.   This is done before the bottle is ever cracked open.     I have been learning new tricks.

  Ask me about my book.

   It was the middle of the day but gray mist still hung over everything like it was early morning still.  The traffic passing by emerged forth out of the fog slowly like prehistoric fish rising up out from some cold depth, headlights like pale eyes visible for a moment first before the dark forms took shape behind them.   I was walking beside the street against the flow of traffic, the money wadded up in my front pocket reminding me that everything was going to turn out okay, that the hard part was already over.   I tried to look through the windshields at the people inside the cars passing me just feet away from me, but I could make out none through the foggy glass, or I was not trying hard enough.   I had other things on my mind.