I need some new headphones/Happy New Year.

  Howdy.   I just got back from a nice little stroll across the bridge.    Note to self (#1) :   It is important to get out of the shop once in a while.  Really.   I didn't think about jumping off the bridge at all, not even for an instant, not even when looking over at The Pink Building.   It felt good, being outside and walking, watching cars and faces go by.

    I am not kidding you :    I do not think I have left the building in about three weeks now.  Excepting foot trips to Safeway,  The Liquor Store, ...   The Gym.    I forgot about that.    Once or twice, with the helper in the last few weeks.   Symbolic gestures, those.   They were not enough to combat the recent lethargy I am afraid.   I don't think I have really seen or spoken to anyone in all this time too, excepting the helper, of course.   She is gone now for a week or so, and I have more time to reflect on the current conditions.   I remember now : It is important to get out every day!   The only bad thing about  my walk was this:    My 'good' headphones, the ones with the ear clips?   They finally gave up the fight a couple of weeks ago,  no amount of jiggling with the plug would get them to play consistently in both ear holes.   I have about 4 sets of ear BUDS, including a fancy set an awfully good friend gave me once a year or two ago, but I have learned the hard way that no ear buds will fit in my ear canals and stay there.  (Note to Self (#2) - BUY NEW HEADPHONES.)   I am not exaggerating, and I dabble in mechanical repair - remember that before you start telling me I don't know how to install earbuds -    I'm telling you :   I tried all the included extra bud cozies, engineered I assume to fit all available ear holes, and none of them fit.    I take that back.   Once or twice I was given the impression the ear buds fit, but once my person initiated movement, they quickly fell out, or lost their 'sound seal'  and laid belly up there near my ear hole emitting tiny tinny sounds.    After about 12 minutes of this, I did, for just one brief moment consider flinging myself off of the bridge.   Instead, I flung the ear buds and came back,  returning with no musical accompaniment.   Which allowed me to think some more.   I felt good.

    Some of you may know this, but I DREAD, and I mean REALLY DREAD   New Year's Eve, and here it comes!    This weird week or two around Christmas, The Holidays, they are called - all culminating with some drunken event you are expected to attend with a date, or to find a date at, and get all excited that the horizon of a new year passes by overhead to the sound of noisemakers and popping Champagne corks and hugs and maybe a kiss, and you are expected to be in a good mood for all of this.    I KNOW, I KNOW.    It probably would be fun.    I just, historically, don't have this experience.  ANYWAY, I'm getting off of my point.    I was thinking about this during my walk this morning, and decided I am just going to go ahead and have my own New Year's Eve tonight, just get it over with.    I'm ready to start working on my resolutions NOW, and I don't want to have to wait another week or whatever.   I already put up my new calendar and everything.     So, tonight at midnight, I would be in my back yard squeezing off a few .45 rounds into the air  (My arresting officer called them 'Shots of Joy'), but my HK was confiscated and destroyed, and I have not had room in the budget yet for a new piece.   Yes, I am naked over here.  It is not a reassuring feeling.   ... What was I saying?    OH YES - New Year's Eve.     Mine is tonight.   Sort of like the way  Friday is my Tuesday, but that is another story altogether. 

     I am not going to get wasted tonight, I don't feel like drinking at all actually.    For a few months.    Speaking of which:

    2011 is going to be my year, remember; you heard it here first.      The even numbered years can come over here and shampoo my crotch.   The odd numbers are the good ones, and '2011' just looks cool, anyway.   I have a strong sense of goals right now, already.    This is a good start.

    First of all, I just want to get through this Winter.   I just have to keep my nose to the grindstone, the work is here, paying work,  I just have to knock out the projects one-by-one , which I have been doing pretty successfully so far this last month or two.   I just have to maintain momentum,  push these things out,  follow the recipe, stash some more money, and next thing I know it will be Spring.   I am going to England for a couple of weeks.   Buying a car, shipping it back with some extra, and rare, engines in the back.   While I am there, I may as well drive around and look at some castles / Stonehenge / soggy gray coastal towns / fried fish / et cetera.     The helper may go with me.  I don't know if that really matters or not anyway.    This first quarter of the year is the 'FIRST PUSH'  to getting out of here.   The remainder of Spring and Summer will be spent selling the engines mentioned as well as the vehicle brought back, and by that time the Red Bull project will be well underway, if not completed, at which point I go on another trip for cars and a little exploration.    There will be writing performed during this entire time.   In fall there is a road trip (Time permitting, otherwise a flight)  to moist, tropical Mexico - Yucatan, Chiapas, Quintana Roo  - Somewhere warm and cheap, and outside of any major population of expatriates.    If possible.

       I'm just saying:    I have plans.   If I am going to stay in a building and fix things day in and day out, I want something to look forward to as a goal.    OR, I'd like it to be warm when I leave that building at night, or even warm INSIDE the building?   Is that too much to ask?

    In the meantime, I want to do the things now I thought I would do if I lived in Portland  - I want to wander around downtown in the dark of night, and I do not mean going to bars in The Pearl.   I mean walking around in parks and alleys, hiding in dim doorways and making threatening eye contact with sinister looking strangers.      Walking around at night, at least.    Bundled up, warm, amongst the  trunks of buildings.

     I am NOT manic right now, by the way.


     So, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

     True F-ing Grit just opened today at the local movie theater.   I sure do want to go see it.

    Thanks for reading.   Somehow saying it out loud (or whatever proxy this is) makes it seem more real.