Something else I wrote 20 years ago, This time when I was supposed to have a job

2/16/90 - RELATIONSHIP FOLLY



It was a usual Friday night at work for me. There I was, manipulating the "Energy-Mizer 2000" dishwashing machine like the old pro that I was. I was seeing the usual things- dirty dishes, dirty cups, dirty silverware. They bring it to me, and I make them clean again, but that's a different story.

So, there I was, washing dishes when one of the managers sailed through the swinging doors like Columbus, with a bead on me.

The manager, looking half-tired and half angry said "Zak - There's someone here to see you."

"That's odd," I thought. "Who would be visiting me? Especially at work?"

"Make it quick", said the manager, who then swaggered back out by the front counter to do manager things.

I shut off the Energy-Mizer, dried off my hands, took off my sopping apron, and left the dish room to see who this surprise visitor might be. When I saw who it was, I was surprised. It was her.

Extremely happy to see her, but also still hurt and angry at her, I felt it necessary to feign disconcernment.

"Hello." I said. "What?"

She looked as if she had been crying. "Zak-" She half-sobbed. "I've got to talk to you..."

I felt a stirring in my gut in addition to a stirring in my pants. She was beautiful, and she wanted to talk to me. It looked important, but I had to be careful. She inadvertantly hurt me before, only days before; so I was going to proceed with caution.

"About what?" I said, not quite as unconcerned as humanly possible, but close.

"Well," She began, "I left him, Zak. I left my boyfriend..."

This was exciting, indeed. I felt a huge surge of excitement but didn't want her to know - Hey, she looked upset and I couldn't look like a dick. So nicer, I said: "Yeah? So? Why?"

She looked at me in disbelief for a moment, then looked like she was going to start crying again. She spun away from me and began to mosey over by the salad bar. As she was walking away from me I thought I heard her say "Ah - Choo". Not a sneeze, but stating "Ah - Choo". I became aware that several of my co-workers were watching us now, but pretending to fill salt shakers or dust the floors, or clean the bus tubs, but they were all watching, amazed. "What is that beautiful woman doing talking to Zak?" I could hear them think. I liked being in the spotlight.

"Excuse me?" I asked her. "What did you say?" I was standing just behind her now. She was beginning to sob. Jesus.

"For you", she wailed. "For you. Ever since you left the other day - (gasp) - all I could think about was you - (gasp) and - and- and - and - I've been missing you and Jeff got mad and kept bothering me about it - (Gaaaaasssspp!) and I made up my mind and told him to leave. I didn't want to see him anymore. I only want to see you - (gasp, gasp, sob -) and now I don't know if you even want anything to do with me!" She began to cry, and was really making quite a scene, flailing and sobbing like that in front of the of ranch dressing and all. One of the managers approached me.

"Zak. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I looked at her and said briefly - "Give me a minute, ok??"

The manager got a dark look on her face and sat back down at a table to watch. She was pissing me off.

"What?" I asked Jennifer, shocked. "You did what?"

"I left him!" She continued, "To be with you. Oh, I'm so confused!" Boo-hoo-ooo-oo -- Boo-hoo-ooo-oo."

"Hey, hey, calm down." I was saying, and put a hand on her shoulder.

A very old man in a yellow polyster suit, a Myrtlewood Owl bolo tie, and a large cowboy hat saw that I was in my uniform and approached me oblivious to reality.

"Hey there, son - You're out of beets!"

"Sorry." I said to the man.

"Well, can you go get some?" He croaked. "I like them beets, boy!" -

It was now my turn to be shokced. "No." I said.

"What?" Said the man. "You out or something?"

"No, I'm just busy - Go ask someone else."

"Boy, I spent four dollars for this salad, and by God I'll have my beets or I'll know why not, by God!"

I ran into the back, opened a 5 pound can of beets, and returned to the salad bar in short order. I promptly poured the beets onto the man's tray (which was being held out expectantly), and onto the floor.

"You want beets? There!" I was saying triumphantly when the manager ran up again grabbing my arm and trying to tug me into the back. "In the back, Zak!" She was yelling. I tugged my way free and said "Let me go. Shut up." The old man was bellowing about the beet juice on his yellow suit, and the manager was both apologizing to the old man, sitting him down, and firing me at the same time. I was mad, but shocked, and pissed. "Fuck you." I muttered. I had just lost my job.

I directed my attention back to Jennifer who was still sobbing, but subsiding by the salad bar.

"Hey, hey - It's ok." I said.

She spun around and grabbed my arms. Looking deep into my eyes she said, "Yeah?? You will still be with me??" I of course nodded. This was good. "Oh, Zak, you're the greatest." She smiled and buried her face into my maroon polyester blend corporate-issued shirt.

From over her hair I could see the manager calming down the senior citizen at his table. She looked up and nailed me with an icy stare. I put my arms around Jennifer and held her close. The manager looked away and continued her placation.

Jennifer looked up at me again, beaming with her blue eyes. I smiled back.

"Well," I said. "What now?"

"Kiss me, you fool." Was her answer.

We fell into each other's arms and she pressed me back into the the salad bar, my ass in the lettuce as we shared the most incredible kiss of recent memory. Her hair was hanging past my face and into the cherry tomatoes all of her weight centered in her crotch on top of mine. I had found profound peace at work, finally.

Everyone had stopped eating, or working as the case may be, to watch over our little scene.

As we separated, untangling the green, leafy vegetables from our hair and clothes, several people began to applaud.

For some reason, I said to Jennifer, "Happy Valentine's Day!" This struck us as eternally funny and we began to laugh. Two managers were now tugging my arms, trying to pull me into the office. I was still laughing. "Leggo." I laughed, freeing my arms.

"Zak, you better leave now." They were saying. My laughter began to subside, but Jennifer's was raging on, still. God! She was beautiful, especially when she was laughing. I stopped my own snickering to admire her roaring laughter.

She was still laughing. Soon, she began to point at me also, laughing. Something wasn't correct. No, not at all.

"What?" I asked. The managers had left me alone. To call the police, I presume. I was feeling rushed and confused. "What?" I asked again.

She was trying to talk and laugh at the same time. "I'll... flly-... Oy... Hahaha."

"What?" I inquired again.

She was gaining control. Now, wiping her eyes and buttoning her coat she looked at me and said, "Silly boy. Poor, silly boy!" She was shaking her pretty head.

"Huh?" I managed.

"I can't wait to tell Kelly." She said, shaking her head. "I won the bet! Wait till she hears about this! It was great!" At this, she turned around and walked out the door. My mind was blank. I didn't know what to do or think. I watched as she got into her car and saw the lights turn their arc on the way out of the parking lot. I though I could still hear her laughing.

One of the managers was back. "Get out." she said. "You can get your check on Monday."

So I left.

Outside, I looked up into the clear, starry winter night and felt very, very foolish and lonely. As I turned my key in the ignition of my rig, I made a promise to never, ever be had by some dame again. But deep down, I mean really deep, deep down in the core of my being I knew that wasn't possible. Pulling out of the parking lot, I just thought about how beautiful she looked while she was laughing. So very beautiful.