Dutch Brothers, "The Gay Rave" (PT1)

  I woke up and had to pee.  I sat up on the side of the bed and faced west and saw nothing but gray through the blinded windows sighting over the roof of the building just outside.

   I slithered out of the blankets, taking care not to wake her as I rose.  I gazed adoringly upon her sleeping corpus and placed a delicate kiss upon her forehead before making my way downstairs to do my thing.  

  When I returned she was awake, upright in bed, rubbing the spot on her cheek where a bit of drool had glued it to her pillow, and she was watching me as I approached.    I laid down beside her, grabbed her thigh under the covers and asked ; "How are you, Darling?"

  "My stomach doesn't feel so good" she replied, the words twisted and thick with both her accent and proximity to recent sleep, and they fell from her mouth like overripe figs from a low branch.  I stared at her for a moment trying to decipher what she had just said, and then understood.

  "Jesus!"  I said  "You need a waffle!"

  Momentary reluctance,  a bit of fidgeting under the sheets with her nightgown, and then she was over the tipping point and at last upright and standing, weaving back and forth slightly, risen like Lazarus from his terrible cave, and she made her way down the stairs calling back to me something about gathering her clothes and putting her hair on so we could go out.

   Fifteen minutes later, we were driving down the street, headed south, looking for pancakes house.

   It was early and grey and cold and a Sunday and every door and window was closed and denying us.  But Fate must have been looking out for us this morning , for in no time at all an overweight pair of people dressed all in black left the dense fog to our left  suddenly began to lumber across the street directly in front of our car like a Sasquatch sighting,  BUT -  CARRYING STYROFOAM TO-GO CONTAINERS!

   "Fuck."  I announced, my voice flat in disbelief  "Look at that."

   The  pair took their time crossing the street in front of us, and we waited, watching silently, licking our chops like some wild cats watching gazelle.

  After they passed Eve asked sadly "What do you think they had in those boxes?", her lower lip quivering with want.

  "I'm not sure" I replied, grinding gears as I frantically searched for reverse with bad shift bushings,  "It looked like breakfast though."

   I finally found my gear and peeled out a short distance as those people jiggled, ever smaller, shrinking in parallax across an empty parking lot.   I then stabbed the gear lever into first and dropped the clutch and chased after them, frantically lowering my window at the same time.    The two people hopped backwards away from our approach, their to-go containers swinging heavy and pendulously from a white plastic bag wrapped around the thick wrist of the man.  As my window dropped out of the frame entirely, where once was glass was now these surprised  and curious faces, their bodies bent slightly forward so as to look inside our car, at us, to judge if we were friend or foe.

   After I waited for just a beat of silence - to maintain a certain degree of drama - I gave them my biggest smile  followed with "HIYA!.  Whatchoo got in those boxes, if you don't mind me asking?"

   Eve, now unable to control herself, leaned across my lap so as to be able to look up through the portal at the round faces presented there, and in doing so her wig slid off to the left several degrees.  Shoving her hairpiece back with one hand impatiently, she began to demand   " Ya'll got some WAFFLES in them bags?   Speak up now! Where'd you get them waffles at?"  before I cut her off.

  "Get back woman!"  I ordered "Mind your hair! You'll frighten these good people." I tried to shove her away with my free hand, but Eve was too strong, her will too strong, and she remained there sideways in my lap, flapping her eyelashes suggestively in some lewd act of silent pleading.

   I looked back up at the two fidgeting people standing before me and made an apologetic face,  and said "I'm sorry.   My friend here does not feel well.   Would you happen to know where a person -   correction -  a couple of CIVILIZED people - could purchase a waffle in this fine town?"

   "Yeah!"  Eve added her two cents, and then actually winked at them.

     Well., I've got to hand it to her, the wink must have done the trick, for the man visibly relaxed and began to talk, scratching his goatee with the giant wrist from which the food bags were suspended.

   "OH."  He began  "You want waffles?  These aren't waffles here,"  he chuckled, shaking his huge head "we got some Thai food.  We're on a diet.   We don't eat waffles no more.  Not supposed to anyway.." he said, and gave the woman standing next to him a look.    "Well... they got some good waffles up at the Biscuit Palace.   It's just a few blocks away.   You go up two streets there and turn right..."

    The directions were interrupted by a sudden monstrous outburst of laughter from Eve, who had adjusted the rearview at her own face and had found something amusing there. The man stopped talking and stared, not understanding, mouthbreathing.

  "Carry on..."  I reminded him