Something else I wrote 20 years ago, This time when I was supposed to have a job

2/16/90 - RELATIONSHIP FOLLY



It was a usual Friday night at work for me. There I was, manipulating the "Energy-Mizer 2000" dishwashing machine like the old pro that I was. I was seeing the usual things- dirty dishes, dirty cups, dirty silverware. They bring it to me, and I make them clean again, but that's a different story.

So, there I was, washing dishes when one of the managers sailed through the swinging doors like Columbus, with a bead on me.

The manager, looking half-tired and half angry said "Zak - There's someone here to see you."

"That's odd," I thought. "Who would be visiting me? Especially at work?"

"Make it quick", said the manager, who then swaggered back out by the front counter to do manager things.

I shut off the Energy-Mizer, dried off my hands, took off my sopping apron, and left the dish room to see who this surprise visitor might be. When I saw who it was, I was surprised. It was her.

Extremely happy to see her, but also still hurt and angry at her, I felt it necessary to feign disconcernment.

"Hello." I said. "What?"

She looked as if she had been crying. "Zak-" She half-sobbed. "I've got to talk to you..."

I felt a stirring in my gut in addition to a stirring in my pants. She was beautiful, and she wanted to talk to me. It looked important, but I had to be careful. She inadvertantly hurt me before, only days before; so I was going to proceed with caution.

"About what?" I said, not quite as unconcerned as humanly possible, but close.

"Well," She began, "I left him, Zak. I left my boyfriend..."

This was exciting, indeed. I felt a huge surge of excitement but didn't want her to know - Hey, she looked upset and I couldn't look like a dick. So nicer, I said: "Yeah? So? Why?"

She looked at me in disbelief for a moment, then looked like she was going to start crying again. She spun away from me and began to mosey over by the salad bar. As she was walking away from me I thought I heard her say "Ah - Choo". Not a sneeze, but stating "Ah - Choo". I became aware that several of my co-workers were watching us now, but pretending to fill salt shakers or dust the floors, or clean the bus tubs, but they were all watching, amazed. "What is that beautiful woman doing talking to Zak?" I could hear them think. I liked being in the spotlight.

"Excuse me?" I asked her. "What did you say?" I was standing just behind her now. She was beginning to sob. Jesus.

"For you", she wailed. "For you. Ever since you left the other day - (gasp) - all I could think about was you - (gasp) and - and- and - and - I've been missing you and Jeff got mad and kept bothering me about it - (Gaaaaasssspp!) and I made up my mind and told him to leave. I didn't want to see him anymore. I only want to see you - (gasp, gasp, sob -) and now I don't know if you even want anything to do with me!" She began to cry, and was really making quite a scene, flailing and sobbing like that in front of the of ranch dressing and all. One of the managers approached me.

"Zak. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I looked at her and said briefly - "Give me a minute, ok??"

The manager got a dark look on her face and sat back down at a table to watch. She was pissing me off.

"What?" I asked Jennifer, shocked. "You did what?"

"I left him!" She continued, "To be with you. Oh, I'm so confused!" Boo-hoo-ooo-oo -- Boo-hoo-ooo-oo."

"Hey, hey, calm down." I was saying, and put a hand on her shoulder.

A very old man in a yellow polyster suit, a Myrtlewood Owl bolo tie, and a large cowboy hat saw that I was in my uniform and approached me oblivious to reality.

"Hey there, son - You're out of beets!"

"Sorry." I said to the man.

"Well, can you go get some?" He croaked. "I like them beets, boy!" -

It was now my turn to be shokced. "No." I said.

"What?" Said the man. "You out or something?"

"No, I'm just busy - Go ask someone else."

"Boy, I spent four dollars for this salad, and by God I'll have my beets or I'll know why not, by God!"

I ran into the back, opened a 5 pound can of beets, and returned to the salad bar in short order. I promptly poured the beets onto the man's tray (which was being held out expectantly), and onto the floor.

"You want beets? There!" I was saying triumphantly when the manager ran up again grabbing my arm and trying to tug me into the back. "In the back, Zak!" She was yelling. I tugged my way free and said "Let me go. Shut up." The old man was bellowing about the beet juice on his yellow suit, and the manager was both apologizing to the old man, sitting him down, and firing me at the same time. I was mad, but shocked, and pissed. "Fuck you." I muttered. I had just lost my job.

I directed my attention back to Jennifer who was still sobbing, but subsiding by the salad bar.

"Hey, hey - It's ok." I said.

She spun around and grabbed my arms. Looking deep into my eyes she said, "Yeah?? You will still be with me??" I of course nodded. This was good. "Oh, Zak, you're the greatest." She smiled and buried her face into my maroon polyester blend corporate-issued shirt.

From over her hair I could see the manager calming down the senior citizen at his table. She looked up and nailed me with an icy stare. I put my arms around Jennifer and held her close. The manager looked away and continued her placation.

Jennifer looked up at me again, beaming with her blue eyes. I smiled back.

"Well," I said. "What now?"

"Kiss me, you fool." Was her answer.

We fell into each other's arms and she pressed me back into the the salad bar, my ass in the lettuce as we shared the most incredible kiss of recent memory. Her hair was hanging past my face and into the cherry tomatoes all of her weight centered in her crotch on top of mine. I had found profound peace at work, finally.

Everyone had stopped eating, or working as the case may be, to watch over our little scene.

As we separated, untangling the green, leafy vegetables from our hair and clothes, several people began to applaud.

For some reason, I said to Jennifer, "Happy Valentine's Day!" This struck us as eternally funny and we began to laugh. Two managers were now tugging my arms, trying to pull me into the office. I was still laughing. "Leggo." I laughed, freeing my arms.

"Zak, you better leave now." They were saying. My laughter began to subside, but Jennifer's was raging on, still. God! She was beautiful, especially when she was laughing. I stopped my own snickering to admire her roaring laughter.

She was still laughing. Soon, she began to point at me also, laughing. Something wasn't correct. No, not at all.

"What?" I asked. The managers had left me alone. To call the police, I presume. I was feeling rushed and confused. "What?" I asked again.

She was trying to talk and laugh at the same time. "I'll... flly-... Oy... Hahaha."

"What?" I inquired again.

She was gaining control. Now, wiping her eyes and buttoning her coat she looked at me and said, "Silly boy. Poor, silly boy!" She was shaking her pretty head.

"Huh?" I managed.

"I can't wait to tell Kelly." She said, shaking her head. "I won the bet! Wait till she hears about this! It was great!" At this, she turned around and walked out the door. My mind was blank. I didn't know what to do or think. I watched as she got into her car and saw the lights turn their arc on the way out of the parking lot. I though I could still hear her laughing.

One of the managers was back. "Get out." she said. "You can get your check on Monday."

So I left.

Outside, I looked up into the clear, starry winter night and felt very, very foolish and lonely. As I turned my key in the ignition of my rig, I made a promise to never, ever be had by some dame again. But deep down, I mean really deep, deep down in the core of my being I knew that wasn't possible. Pulling out of the parking lot, I just thought about how beautiful she looked while she was laughing. So very beautiful.

Sailboat Story Continued

May 18th, 2004
Day ---4?
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Almost Noontime, Central TZ

So here I am, on a front porch swing, just sitting, on my way to the boat.

Drove about 950 miles yesterday to arrive here around 12:30 AM or so, to be greeted to a little "party" type situation --

I like the uncomfortable awkward experiences. So here you go!

Within an hour I am doing lines of coke off Anna's bed with her brother, some other guy, and two semi-dimwitted coeds.

No one would be quiet or give a man his rest of course, but finally, 4 AM or such a pad was placed at the side of the bed, and after a small debate between Jone's siblings as to whether Xanax or some other drug I havent heard of may be more effective, and appropriate to my beginner status of medicance, tiny pills were supplied and a short time later I slept.

One visit to the restroom at night to drain (trying as hard as I could to be quiet, including bouncing my spray off the back of the bowl as to not splash(like at Willow's a few weeks before)), and up at an early 10 AM (well that's 8 AM Pacific!) Anna went out to look at a house or something so I sponged off, walked to find an espresso shed, bought my coffee, and returned.

Pacing a few moments later I began doing dishes, and unclogged the tub (producing with my thrusts, a plae, blue, nitrile glove, just one, that surfaced through a miasma of brown rusty water and tiny scraps of a plastic bag.) Cool. At least I fixed something today.

Did some curls, now catching up with some "writing" I like to. I would like to write more often. I always feel so pressed for time. No time. Will this all change soon??

So today my head is still cloudy, or foggy, or whatever. Well hang out here today, and push off for New Orleans tomorrow morning. I should be off my boat by Saturday or Sunday at the latest.

GOOD NEWS!

I've gone almost four days with nothing to eat but beef jerky and Altoid sours. Can this be the new diet craze? I don't even feel hungry, and the pounds seem to just be melting away. Also, other than a beer last night, no drinking either. I hope the whites of my eyes become white again soon. See we shall. Ok, off to go look at Pinzgauers and shoot turtles.



May 21? 04 Saturday afternoon, 5:20 PM Eastern

I'm on my boat. This is probably the biggest vehicle I will ever own. 55 feet. I hear the sloshing whisper of the water against "her" sides.

Oh, the boat -

So, after the dude I bought the boat from didn' show or call me back for about an hour this morning, I was convinced I was an Ebay victim to the tune of $7900 (plus expenses so far) but he called, and I unloaded my gun. Not long after, I boarded the boat.

I got depressed.

This is probably too much work for me. Rotton these. Seized those. Fucking church boat. Dingy looks like shit too. $1100 for THAT? Fuck YOU! But. No matter what, I bought a sail boat sight unseen, and drove cross country 4200 miles to board the fucker. Yep. So I was very upset and depressed for about 5 hours, now I am beginning to like it.

Fuck these people, I like the boat, though. Too bad it can't move. I've bonked my head several times already, pumped a monster shit out of the "head". Where does it go? Will stroke, next on the list, - and will try to stay here all day tomorrow. I'm having my first drink in several days and will follow that up with some "nighty-nights".

Next day, on the boat. Almost 5 PM EST

Suffice it to say, I hate boats. At least I found out I had a total complete meltdown today. I would have left if my money and computer and other shit weren't on my boat.

I had to row the dingy to shore. (The guy I bought it from kept the engine as a result of one of my most near-sighted bargaining episodes (the boat was only a mile from shore and I felt I could use the exercise of rowing)).

Then drove my crippled Range Rover around looking for the internet cafe. I finally found one. The sign said "Open At Noon". I waited until 1 PM. Not open. During this monstrous display of submission, I also finally decided to eat. I went to three restaurants, and was not served in as prompt or timely a manner as I feel entitled to (No, really). So I showed them, and just up and left, Zak-style.

Shitty service down here, remember to tell everyone. Entirely annoyed, finally, I just wanted to row back (Oh, I lost an ore somehow in the dingy earlier, so I bought two more and oar locks)to the big boat, get drunk, and eat some stuff (Just discovered Cuban sandwiches, and had wine, cheese, turkey, and apples. The flood gates had opened.) I put the new oars in, (I also had two bags of rapidly melting ice). Started trying to row, and the oar locks kept popping out of their holes. Not my fault (really). Boat is fucked.) Managed to row about 60 feet from dock, lost an oar lock, and had to paddle back in with only one oar like some raging, off-kilter, Jewish, Pocahantas. By the time I returned to the dock, my Cuban sandwich was drifting sadly about in the bottom of my boat, bumping against apples, bottles of liquor, the final remnants of ice, before sinking, defeated, to the bottom of the boat.

Then, I, determinely ram my dingy into the dock and begin to tie up I have yet, another, old lady, walk up and remind me to come to the hot dog feed at 2:00. I now realize, I can't row out to my boat, I'm stuck. Range Rover is broken, its HOT, I want to drive home, but all my money and stuff is on the big boat, (which at that very moment, decided to resell on Ebay). It is at this time I recieved a call from Kalee. She called me from Eugene. 4,000 miles away, to let me know she has a flat tire and ask me what she should do.

FUCK.

I lost it. I'm screaming how I hate it here, I hate boats, Fuck all these people. Fuck a hot dog. All this in the parking lot with the locals about. I start punching my car, I throw what's left of my bags of ice across the parking lot, screaming, a single word over and over again. Fuck. I am not a boat person. At least I found out, right? Let's say you;re on your boat and you want some batteries, or an apple, or a plastic bag? A huge ordeal to get to shore. And hopefully, when you return to shore, your car works, and has a suspension, and stuff, an, fuck. I still have a 4,002 mile drive home. I'll take my time on the way back though, see some shit, go to a swamp?

Avoid Arkansas.

Final thought. Next stop, sell boat, buy 911 or?? Go to Mexico for a while. Live in LA. Ride my bike 1000 miles somewhere, or walk it? Thanks.