Professor Waverly Gets Upset

I was going to visit the professor in his corner of the old soup factory I had rented out for him. His quarters included one former 'test kitchen' where the chefs in lab coats concocted new formulas in tall glass beakers and then recreated the recipes in actual pots on a stovetop. Attached top this quasi-kitchen were two large offices, one with an actual window to the outside world and the sunlight beyond.

Gettin' married!

 (excerpts)


 

I do not have any problem going to San Francisco. You know I only want to spend pretty much 100% of my time in contact with you. We can read more books together. Perhaps we can peruse rings at various pawn shops across the states.

Speaking of, some very Southern things are swirling around in my head about the rings, and I can't do much to stop them. It didn't help that I asked for Mother's opinion on your ring (thinking she would tell me it's not as big a deal what it's made of) but she was just under emphatic that it must be gold (platinum was ok too) and that is just all there is to it. Sorry, Darling...I thought about just keeping my mouth shut about this or even asking her opinion, but I didn't and now I CAN'T. She did remind me that I'm just supposed to pick yours out on my own. But I would want to get you yellow gold, because you wear all the silver rings, and I don't want any confusion- like maybe you're just a guy that wears a lot of rings, so that OTHER silver-y colored ring on your finger could be one of many....I want it to be so FUCKING OBVIOUS  that it is a WEDDING RING that ladies start looking around immediately for your wife because that is how big and shiny and obviously GOLD it is. Make no MISTAKE, ladies. This one is taken. And while you're thinking about it, looking at my HUSBAND'S ring, yes, it is big and golden, and well, basically (yes, I know this wanders into materialism...blame it on my Southern-ness) very EXPENSIVE. And LARGE.

Essentially there is this unspoken attitude (Southern, and really all East Coast-y places...we seem to be more into these types of things) that you would have to beat this RING to even think about moving in on MY HUSBAND. And I will say, I don't know if it's the chicken or the egg, but if I see a guy with a big ring, I actually consider him to be VERY MARRIED. As if there are increments. Someone with a thin gold ring: not very married. And someone with a not-even-gold $200 ring, for instance, EVEN LESS MARRIED. I know I shouldn't be so concerned with appearances. I am not exactly sorry if I sound a little insane, but I am cringing a little at "having" to write this. I guess I don't have to, but I DO have to. I did at least manage to sleep on it (two whole nights), and my attitude hasn't changed. Hopefully this doesn't make me a shitty, materialistic person. I mean, I simply want you to look as married as you possibly can- short of getting a "I am Married" tattoo on your forehead.

                                       ........

                                       (AND)

                                      ..........

 

My Dreamy Future Husband,

Darling, sorry I missed your call. I went to see a movie with Mother, Mike, Erin and Tyler.  Hugo...was extremely boring. Not like I had any expectations... I didn't even know what it was. Guess it was fun for Tyler, and Lord Knows he needs to have a little something to take his mind off the time spent... well, do I really have to say it?

(being molested)

Annnnnyway. I have been unable to stop thinking about you or US or OUR FUTURE FOREVER or even our incredi-beau present. We are not in Crazytown, WE are in Luckytown most assuredly. We now have a permanent residence there.

I actually do not care about being in Salem on Saturday nor do I really want to. So we can do something like, go to my favorite restaurant, Elmer's, and share one salad.

I can barely wait until we are near each other again. As soon as possible, too, we need to make our Christmas cards and send those bitches out. I need to get some color ink...very fast.

I love you, I love you, YOU are my fucking Dreamboat Husband-to-be. I am so beyond crazy for you. You and Me, Darling.

2 Niggas 

2 Gether

4 Evah

                                                          ..................

         So, you can see why I am feeling SUPER HAPPY right now.    I'm just sayin' - Z