...I also want to address the acerbic attitude in my missives . Sure , I'm cynical and bitter , but I'm not ALL bad . I'm not really a Big Bundy Buddy , or totally hateful person . I perform the occasional favor , and can often be counted on to help carry heavy things or fix mechanical items . I listen , I swear to god , I do . I care . I even wish happiness upon those people I pretend to be upset with . It's just my schtick . Everyone needs a gimmick , mine is Snappy Cynical Guy . Sometimes I revert to Way Too Sensitive Guy , and occasionally , Drunk Guy , but I'd like to be remembered most for being Snappy Cynical Guy ( Who Still Cared ) . SCG(WSC) for short . OK ? OK . I'm glad we had this talk . Now back to my deterioration :
How To Self Destruct And Not Draw Too Much Attention :
You see , Self-Destruction is sort of fun in a way . You get to drink too much , say whatever you think , not pay your bills , impulse buy ridiculous items , sleep with strangers , the list goes on and on . BUT , what you don't need is any MEDDLING. Interventions . Sure , the attention is occasionally welcome - Like hearing from someone : " Are you OK ?" At least illustrates some connection with other people . ( Which we as humans , like it or not , usually crave ) What you don't want is someone pouring your alcohol down the sink , however . So , the trick is , actually very simple .
It is obvious , actually . Don't let people know . You can act out , irresponsibly , dangerously even , but not with the same person/people all the time . Switch up your cohorts .
It reminds me of a story I once read in a Psychology class . There is this collection of stories written by an .... Oliver Sacks .? ( I think ) - An experienced doctor in brain disorders - And he wrote a collection of short stories drawing from his case histories . The story I always remembered was called ' The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat ' . Without getting into too much detail about this subjects' actual organic brain dysfunction , I'll jump right to the result : He could not connect all the things he saw at once into the ' Complete Picture' of his vision . He saw a face as eyes , a nose , eyebrows , forehead , somehow all separately . He couldn't recognize a face as one *thing* , but instead as a conglomeration of it's parts . So somehow this guy used to go yank on his wife's head , and try to wear it . It was a Gestalt thing. I forget the mechanics of why and how of this punchline , but it made sense at the time .
How this relates to the story of how to successfully conceal your downward spiral ( While enthusiastically enjoying it ) is to not let any one person see too much and recognize it for what it is .
So , with ONE friend you can be drunk frequently , but appear to get work done on a daily schedule. ANOTHER friend can know you have gotten no work done in weeks , but you manage to pay your bills somehow . Still another person can know you don't pay your bills , but you never drink in front of this person . Very few people can know you have a cache of weapons .
In addition to the ' Nondisclosure Of Entire Picture ' , it is essential to appear physically lucid ( when possible ) , and neatness counts . Be sure to shave every three or four days when possible . Own suits , or at least clean clothes that sort of make an ' outfit ' , and wear them when in public . Pay for other people's things . They love you for it , and don't want to know too much about whether or not you paid your power bill yet or not as long as the drinks keep coming . If educated , use your big words as much as possible when around other educated people . They'll be so busy trying to 'up-word' you , they won't notice you're slurring . When around the ' Not So Educated ' , you don't even have to try too hard and you'll appear like you have your shit together . Word-wise . Some people are even impressed by mere spelling . Be bold in your convictions , know your arguments , ( practice , practice , practice ) defend yourself without wavering , and most everyone will be impressed enough not to guess anything was even really wrong at all .
If there is anything wrong with you at all , that is .
Of course , you can't advertise this is an internet BLOG and expect not to be scrutinized a little more than usual . But I tell you what : Most people are so involved in their own lives , that unless your tradgedy can be related directly to their own actions or contact with you , they won't really notice either . They are too busy wanting YOU to notice THEM . So if you must blog , be prepared to defend your words and actions . This is at best a creative process , and at worst a Cry For Help , AKA Call For Attention , which we as humans crave . We just want to feel important . To some other human. Whether it is a mate , friend , or child . What am I saying ???
Well , I was Cold and Tired , not having slept in two days , or eaten in three. I did manage to shave my face today , so a clean shirt , shoes and a jacket and nobody would notice . Why would they ?
Friday, February 16, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
